Tue- 8:58 AM to 9:16 AM

Whole big mess.  Right?  God, we had to call her relatives, call in some janitors to clean up the aftermath.  Wasn’t pretty.  Well that’s not even half the story.  Or maybe that’s about half the story.  See, when her relatives all arrived they wanted to have the funeral service in the same castle in which she died.  We usually just use it for parties and such, but we figured hey, what could it hurt?  So they all arrived and we got the place set up.  Up to this point I hadn’t seen the body since it was all splayed out on the cold stone floor.  But man, when I walked out on the roof where the service was being held, God strike me down if she wasn’t wrapped up in torn rags all sloppily like a mummy out of a horror movie.  Most of the rags were soaked in blood and you could see part of her face with her eye poking out all terrified-like!  It was enough to make me sick, so much so that I didn’t even notice the scene around the body.

Bunch of ravens.  I know, I know it sounds like something out of Edgar Allen Poe, but there were ravens sitting here and there on the corpse, the edges of the wall (we’re on the roof of a castle, mind you), people’s shoulders…and, man, I haven’t even gotten to that yet.  The people!  They looked like, like, half-people half-birds.  Like, just picture this, they were all hunch-backed with long bodies and even longer, skinny legs.  Their faces were long with really pointed noses and their eyes- their eyes were huge.  Huge but dead-looking.  Like they were made out of glass or something.  And they were dressed all in black, so they practically looked just like the goddamned ravens!  I’ve seen some stuff in my time, so I took it in stride and went up to greet them, hoping they wouldn’t ask how she died.  They were really jittery though, and when I got too close they’d jump back like five feet (or maybe fluttered?) and they’d talked crazy fast.  They were like “Hitherehow’sitgoin’,WHOAthat’scloseenoughnottosayIdon’tlikeyoubutI’mjustkindofnervousHAHAHA!” and then they’d start pecking the ground.  Weird shit, to be sure.  But that’s not even the most interesting part!  Nah, I’m kidding, that was the most interesting part.  The rest of the time there was kind of boring.  In fact I just got really drunk and played chess the rest of the time.  Wasn’t much else to do.

Anyway, besides the anti-climactic ending there, I’m working on the UPexx page right now, so look for that tonight or technically tomorrow morning (1 to 4 AMish).  And for God’s sake check out Gold and Blue and Gray, I’ve been updating it every Tuesday and Friday.


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