Tales from the Luxurious Side

Gloria tries hard.  He does.  But he has much to learn.  Take these titles I’ve been using for example.  Gloria has been steadily using titles such as “5:00 AM to 5:16 AM.” That is informative and very telling when it comes to his typing speed.  But it certainly isn’t eye-catching.  My title isn’t very creative.  But I never claimed to be.  I am very good at pointing out others’ faults, however.  This begins my week-long explaining of the mistakes Gloria has been making with this blog.

Mistake 1-  Has No Catchy Titles

This is really common sense.  I happen to know he carries around a Moleskine notebook.  In it he jots down ridiculous, non sequitur titles to amuse himself.  I find his whole approach to creativity lacking.  But I digress.

Enough about him.  Let’s talk about me.  I’ve received many letters via my actual blog.  Sorry, it’s only accessible in my side of reality.  These letters are from the cream of the crop and have many important questions in them.  I don’t answer them because I’m not needy.  But I will answer them  here where they can’t read them because I’m a bastard like that.

If you are too lazy to click that, the basic tone of the letter is threefold:

1)My grandpa’s a liar

2)I’m whiny and needy

3)I want your money

You think me heartless?  Well the P.S. on that letter that I have ripped off paints a better picture.

PS.  Can you give me money for a plane ticket over there?  I’ve heard so much about the Luxurious Side. I just can’t afford it.  Oh, I’m going to need your address and the password for the Border Patrol.  Thanks!

If you’re still not getting it I’ll tell you straight.  My old business rival who never made it this far, one J.F. Armorby, is the actual writer of that letter.  He has been trying to get his scheming self into my side of reality ever since my business merger one-upped his.  All he needs is the password to get past border control.  Oh.  I’m getting ahead of myself.  You don’t know much about the Luxurious Side, do you?  Well, the original point of showing you the letter is that I’m much smarter than you.  I’ll fill you in on the rest shortly.  Why would I do that?  Give up details on this magical plane so readily?  Why, for the simple fact that you could never make it here even if you tried.  So there’s no harm.

Oh, Gloria said to

watch out for a new Gold and Blue and Gray update and more details on my seedy bar fight tomorrow.  The bar’s seedy.  Not the fight.  Well, it got a little seedy later on.  Anyways, stay tuned.”

And that quote there will bring me to another huge mistake Gloria makes with this blog.  Monteclaire out.


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