There’s nothing more to say

Except that BOOM, I found the motherfucking treasure. It was in my pants’ pocket the whole time.  See, I was scouring the town’s potties and urinals for what the mystic said was the grand treasure.  I guess some of you might be wondering what this so-called treasure was supposed to be?  It wasn’t gold or jewels, or even something metaphorical like love or friendship.  It was my new identity.  As a reformed former-knight in his majesty’s service.  That may not seem like a big deal to all of  you, but to me it represents a new beginning.  Aww, I know.  How could I have been searching for a new title in a desert?  Well, that brings me to my drug problem.

Look, you can’t do the kind of shit I did in the Crusades and not have a few vices.  Drugs and alcohol, while this is sad and not uncommon at all, were that very thing for me.  I’m over it, for the most part.  But every now and then, almost as if I don’t realize I’m doing it, I’ll fall back into the druggy swing of things.  See, I never went to the desert.  Not now or back in the 80’s.  And King Philip?  Pffft, never knew him.  In fact I think I had a crush on him back then.  Turns out all my adventures I was writing about were just random jumbled memories of some books and movies I’d seen.  Sorry if this is all kind of a mindfuck.  I guess the treasure was metaphorical.  I also discovered through this whole experience that I’m an atheist.  But that’s a topic to be discussed at length later.

Speaking of which, has anyone seen Isabald Monteclaire?  He kind of disappeared right before I got back.  I say speaking of which because he is, though he may not seem it, an avid Christian.  I’m talkin’ old-school, fire-and-brimstone, burn the witches-voice of the real America conservative Christian.  Not that I think it’s a big deal.  But man, do we get in some arguments.  I’ll look out for him.  Maybe he just missed luxuriousness too much.

To make up for missing my Friday deadline, I updated two new panels for Gold and Blue and Gray.  That’s the first one.  The second one is so delicious I’ll wait until next week to post it on the blog.  But it’s up at the main site.  Click one of those two links.  See?  I’m using Isabald’s suggestions like crazy.

Fantastic Benefits will be updated by Monday, God as my witness, no matter how ironic that statement is considering what I said earlier.


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