Being the son of a clockmaker, I thought of everything in terms of time.  As the day passed I watched the metaphorical gears spinning, turning, slowly rusting in rusty decay.  My father would always say “Son, the day will come when the clocks stop.  When that day comes, and come it will, oh yes, come and come soon, and on the day of the coming clocks, which will stop when it comes, you must be ready to come as well.  We must all come on that day, and be grateful to live in a country where we can all get together and rejoice in our massive pool of come.”

-Excerpt: Chapter 12, Gold and Blue and Gay

I thought, since I wasn’t exactly sure how to do that thing where you make a blog post and it posts automatically on a certain day, I’d go ahead and do this as a sort of double post for today and tomorrow.  Here’s the update:

I need to go ahead and tell you, Fantastic Benefits is on hold this weekend and next weekend, because I’m trying to get this zine printed and distributed at the Art Mart, Etsy, and wherever they’ll let me sell it.  The problem is that I need to finish about six pages before I worry about formatting them and getting them printed, folded, and stapled (I just got a sweet 12″ stapler for the job).  But the real problem is that…Kkkkksssshshsssssshhhhhhhh (static, feedback) wwwhhiiiiirrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee

…kkksssshhhh….is the last time we’re trying…I think we’re in.  Can you hear me?  Right, this is Monteclaire with the promised revelation about Gloria Farmer’s true identity!  As I stated before, he is not who he says he is.  The truth is so amazing I can barely believe or contain it.  It has to do with the real origin of Christianity.  I know this will be hard to swallow, but do your best….kkkssshhhhhh

…About 200 years before Jesus was born there was a prophecy that was never revealed in the scrolls and letters that make up the Bibl….kkkssshhhwhhiiirrrrrrrr….ust listen.  It was reported that on the night of…..kksshh..man by the name of Johan Baptizzo saw a vision of a short guy with what looked like, and I’m quoting here, “Little stick arms and legs and a shield for a body.  And for some reason on the shield was a Roman torture device…not sure why.”  See, back then the cross was just a…wwwwhhhiiiiiirrrrrr….and Gloria appeared to be building something, something big.  The man, horrified, told the people what he had seen:

“It was like a nightmare and a wet dream rolled into one!  This terrible man whom the angel had told me was named “Gloria” was building a gigantic wooden monument on top of the Temple.  It appeared to be a 400-foot replica of a grasshopper’s sexual organ.  On the bottom of the awesome and terrible structure was a plaque.  I had hoped to forget the words inscribed there, but for the sake of posterity, I shall repeat them now.  On the plaque was written:

During reproduction, the male grasshopper introduces sperm into the ovipositor through its aedeagus (reproductive organ), and inserts its spermatophore, a package containing the sperm, into the female’s ovipositor. The sperm enters the eggs through fine canals called micropyles. The female then lays the fertilized egg pod, using her ovipositor and abdomen to insert the eggs about one to two inches underground, although they can also be laid in plant roots or even manure. (Wikipedia)

Of course I was confused by this statement.  But as the vision continued…I soon new the horrible implications and what they meant for mankind…

kkkkssssshhhhhhh…oh no…ssshhhhhhhhhh…e’re out of time….ssssshhhhhh….have to continue next wee………wwwwhhhhiiiiirrrrrr………Monteclaire out……..ssshhh

….Did I lose you guys?  What happened?  I thought I heard a voice like from a radio or something… got some serious deja vu too.  Oh well.



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