Catching Life by the Throat

There are only two things in this world we call…the world that I hate.  Those are high school kids who put the “anarchy” symbol on their notebooks and this whole trend of putting sugar in bread.  I mean it’s bread for god’s sake!  And don’t give me all that crap about increasing yeast fermentation.

Gold and Blue and Gray

Earlier today I was forced into giving one of my deepest and darkest secrets: my biggest fear.  Now, I actually have two biggest fears.  For the life of me I can’t pick one over the other.  One is to be face to face with a…I’d say about 10 to 12 year-old girl who is possessed by the devil.  Or a lower demon, I don’t know.  The other is a T-Rex.  I mean think about it.  What the fuck is scarier in the world than those two things?

I guess we’re talking about irrational fears here.  Obviously I don’t have to worry about either of those things popping up.  But people afraid of heights, spiders, or snakes have something to stand on.  But as far as irrational fears go, I challenge you to tell me something scarier than late one night, you shift in bed, feel a warm body next to you, you roll over, and this is an inch away from your face

(Linda Blair haunts my nightmares)

Or, say you’re hanging from something (an edge of a house, I don’t know) for dear life and you turn your head just in time to see this below you waiting for you to fall into its teeth

(I was looking for the “Larry the Scary Rex” scene from “Clifford” but couldn’t find it.  I honestly think that scene is what this fear is based on.  Yes, a Martin Short movie.)

You can’t.  You can’t find scarier irrational fears than those.

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