Jesus Condoms

Gold and Blue and Gray

Kkkkkssssshhhhhhh…….ssshhhhh (static feedback) bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……….

…kksssshhh….is Isabald Monteclaire.  I don’t know if you can hear me, but I don’t have much time.  Whoever is receiving me, you have to find help.  I’m trapped in the past.  I’ve spent the last few weeks tracking down information on a friend of mine, Gloria Farmer.  If you know Gloria, then…stay away from him.  He’s dangerous.  There’s something you don’t know about him.  I don’t have time to explain all the details.  What I need you to do is to go to New Mexico.  When you get there drive way out to the middle of the desert.

There will be a decrepit old billboard advertising recycled condoms.  Climb up it and make your way to the back of the structure.  Just behind the dangling rubber on the other side is a portal into the year 4 B.C.  The year Jesus was born.  Yes, I’m aware of the irony of the portal to the place in time of Jesus’ birth by his virgin mother being directly behind a dangling condom, but I need you to focus.  Once you get there, you have to….KKKSSSSHHHHHHH…oh no, I’m breaking up…kkkssshhh…look, just…ssshhhhhh…and….sssshhhhhhh….avoid the grasshoppers….ssshhhhhh…they’re taking over…sshhhhhhhh…I’ll try to contact you again….ssshhhhh…f I’m still alive, that is….onteclaire out……

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