Grasshopper Saga: The Conclusion

kksssshhhhh…sssshhhhh…I know not very much time has passed since I made the last post but quite a bit has happened.  I have to admit that I’ve really been overreacting to all this.  What?  Oh no, I’m not being held captive by Grasshoppers anymore.  Actually we all sat down and ironed out a lot of our differences.

I’ve even been given a job in their growing Grasshopper corporation, known as OCP,, in the Security Concepts division.  There have been some really positive changes in my life over the past two days.  I’m really turning things around.  My coworkers and I have all had a pretty good laugh at my panicky, desperate rants this past week

^Jim works with me at the Security Concepts division

So anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know everything’s fi…what?  Inconsistent?  I’m not being incon….OH!  Right.  God, I forgot all about the Gloria thing.  Sorry.  I’ve just been having such a great time at this wonderful company.  Um, yeah, Gloria.  Well it turns out that Gloria had sex with the leader of the grand Grasshopper Race (and later built a monument to a grasshopper’s sexual organs) and the grasshopper gave birth to the new God (the old one got shot through the neck, if you don’t remember) and it was Gloria and the grasshopper leader who, while lying in bed smoking a cigarette after hot sex, thought it would be funny to change up the old Moses’ Law thing and try something new.  Gloria named it ‘Christianity’ after his favorite movie character, Fletcher Christian

Pretty soon it got kind of out of hand when Jesus was crucified and all that.  They felt kind of bad about it, really.  That’s why the Grasshoppers started this company

to kind of make up for Jesus’ death and the Crusades and Catholic pedophiles and all that by providing quality products at reasonable prices.

AppleCoreComics.com

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