Demons are real…

I’ve shown skepticism before when it came to the existence of ghosts and especially demons, but lately I’ve had doubts.  This is mostly due to my recent exploration of the spirit realm via a Ouija board and…a malevolent spirit.  I can’t say for sure whether or not it was a demon, and I don’t want to, because I’m afraid that just mentioning it, even in this blog, could bring back its presence.

I can see it now, always in the corner of my periphery.  It’s smiling, toothy face, pure white with dark circles around its eyes.  It looks human, yet something’s off.  Call it women’s intuition, but I can sense that floating face is up to no good.

Take my advice, if you are thinking of trying to contact the demon world with a Ouija board, then for god’s sake do it!  Do it all night long, because I guarantee you it will be the best sex you’ve ever had.  I’m not joking, demons have forked penises and a hell of a lot of stamina.  Pun intended.  I think I might be possessed, because every time I see that toothy grin I realize it’s my own reflection in my glasses, but that doesn’t make sense because my glasses don’t reach that far in my peripheral vision.  Yet there’s my reflection, floating in mid-air like the 3-D on a 3DS screen.

Sometimes when I’m shaving the bathroom mirror (which opens to a medicine cabinet) swings open so my reflection is within an inch of my face.  Have you ever seen Poltergeist III?  The one in the big skyscraper?  It kind of reminds me of that.

I’m moving to Oregon soon, hopefully the demon won’t follow.  Part of me wants him to, though.  Maybe the part of me that still craves excitement even after all these years.  I may be an old man, but I still have the lust of a 25 year-old and a predilection for demon crotch forks.

I’ll go into more detail about the demon’s endowments and our first sexual encounter after the move.  Needless to say, his turtle-shelled back is perfect for the jackhammer position, especially when it’s waxed.  It’s like a dirty Slip ‘N Slide that ends in a pool of orgasms.

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